find these for me & i'll love you to bits & pieces

i want these yummy-licious cupcakes!! i HATE being in Malacca right now. i want to go home. everything is back home. there's nothing here. BENCINYE!!! i hate everyone right now. including S! i don't want to talk to anyone right now especially YOU, S!! i want to be alone. i want to eat cupcakes. i want to eat m&m's. i want to eat marshmallow dipped in Hershey's chocolate. urghhh. i don't get what i want when i'm in Malacca.

i change my mind as fast as a Ferrari can go. that's what make people hates me. i know & i don't care. its who i am & i don't want to be anything other than that. i like the way i am. i will usually ask for something that is hard to find. so take note people. no matter what, i still want what i want. yes, i change my mind but i will still remember what i really want. i don't need someone that doesn't care bout what i want.

i text-ed I last night telling him bout something that really makes me thought bout him. we both laughed but somehow, my heart cried & i fell asleep. haha. i know its funny but that was what happened. i miss you. i do... i miss knowing bout what you're doing. i miss talking to you bout things that i know that will never happen. i miss you. i don't say this to anyone. but i just feel like i wanna say it all here. i still keep his letters. i still keep the pillow that he made for me on my 19th birthday & the necklace that he bought for me that costs RM150. i still use the purse that he bought for me just a few weeks before we broke up. i still keep his picture in my purse. i still have all the videos with him in it that i took in my phone. i still remember the 1st time we broke up, what he had done just to get me back at that night. i still remember the way he walk & talk. but... i can't remember his smell. i cant remember how it feels when he held my hands. i can't remember the warmth of his hug. i can't remember how i felt when i was around him. i can't remember how it feels to wake up early in the morning & check my phone just to make sure that he's still asleep so that i get to wish him good morning first. i forgot how it feels to have butterflies in my stomach whenever he calls me baby.

ok. enough.. i should stop. i shouldn't think bout him! he's not mine anymore.

day 4 of ganti puasa: urghh. craving for cupcakes like hell right now.

rojak singapore yesterday was SUPERB! i wish to have it again tonight. or maybe tom yam for tonight.

& & i've made the decision whether or not i should go home. i decided not to go home. sad isn't it? but i don't think that going home would make any different right now. i used to miss home every 2 weeks. i used to miss my room. i used to miss daddy's home cook (even though sometimes tak berapa sedap). i used to miss seeing my friends back home. but now, it seems like all those are not important anymore. there are other things that are so much more important to me here. i hope that daddy would understand. i'm sorry that i rarely come home. i do miss you & akak. but i don't like going home & fighting with you. each time i come home, there's just things that we'll fight about. yeah.. "saye keras kepala. just like you". akak is more like mama & i'm more like you.